I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize