Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
