Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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