so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
