So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
