dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize