i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
