I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
not ubering you a puppy
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
