When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
