she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
