nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
