it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize