Kiss
Puke
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
