What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
