Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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