I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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