Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
