i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
