FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize