I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
