She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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