It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
