So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm really busy with my period
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