We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm both gender and math confused
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
