someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Drake has all the answers
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
