Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
