So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
