so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
