Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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