she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
