We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
