I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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