so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
