My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
