Im at strip club and am horny
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
