What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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