Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
