her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
