i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
