she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
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