this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize