I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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