you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
