for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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