you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
