Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
