I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
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