I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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