how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
