You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
