I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i love accidental penises.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
