I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
