Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
