My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
