It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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