dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
