I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
