Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(207): View more from Maine

I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring

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(619): View more from California

Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich

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(850): View more from Florida

why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?

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(810): View more from Michigan

We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.

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(516): View more from New York

It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.

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(470): View more from Georgia

I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man

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