I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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