you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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