So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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