Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
