oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
