Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
