Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
